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This is what it boils down to....

I'm really enjoying having a laptop. There's something about having the mobility and convenience of being able to get online when and where I want to. I love this stuff. It's great.

I'm still sitting in the bar... been here for a few hours, chatting with people, answering emails. It's raining outside, so it's kind of busy in here.

I'm going to have to get a laptop so I can leave home on occasion without being out of touch. It helps when I can drink because I tend to be a lot more social when I do.... I kind of get like a diarrhea of the mouth thing going on. It's all good though.

I'm having a great time here. I wish I could just stay here and be unstressed all of the time. God I need to be rich. If nothing else, just for my mental health.

Myrtle Beach!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

I'm in Myrtle Beach.... sitting in the lobby of the hotel blogging, chatting, reading emails, etc. I was in the hotel bar, but they closed a little after midnight.

I'm having a really good time being here. No work calls, no stress, no nothing. I get up, walk out to the beach, watch Ariel have fun. Play in the ocean with her. We're all having a great time.

I got my financial declaration paper notarized today at Jon's workplace. I'm going to fax that to the lawyer tomorrow, and then follow up with an email.

I start to feel guilty for looking at all of the cute girls here at the beach, but then I remember that I'm (more or less) single now. It's time to move on. Still feels a little weird though. I was walking down the street last night... just walking and walking.... and I was thinking to myself how nice it would be if Rachel was there with me to talk to. But then I realized that it wasn't really Rachel I missed, but just her company. I missed having someone there to share it with.... to talk to about things. And anyway, she would've been complaining that she was tired, or hot, or something, and it would've been my fault, and I would've felt miserable for even coming here with her. So aaannnyyywaaayyy..... yeah, I miss having someone to talk to, but I don't really miss Rachel, per say. It's a weird mixed up feeling.

w00t

Alrighty. I found some trunks that fit. I've done some laundry. I even went and watched Batman today. It was awesome. I don't see how they got away with a PG-13 rating though. That movie was pretty damned violent. But.... whatever. Excellent flick, I must say.

Headed off to the beach tomorrow. Gotta pack tonight. Charging the camera battery now. I did make it to the gym for about 45 minutes today before they closed.

Blah blah blah. Not much else going on. Rachel's still packing. I asked her today, and she plans on being gone by the time I get back. Excellent...... *maniacal laugh*

Finally here....

I didn't think this week was ever going to end. It just kept dragging and dragging. Stupid anticipation. I have a lot to get done tomorrow.... I have some divorce papers I need to get notarized. I need to go shopping for Jon's birthday present. I need to do a bunch of laundry, get a haircut, get some sunglasses.... possibly even some new trunks. I don't know if the ones I have still fit. I should go find those....

BLAH.

It's all good though.

I don't think I've blogged much this week. Rachel actually found an apartment. She's been taking some things as she goes to work. She should be moved out by the time I get back. Hooray! Hopefully the house isn't stripped clean when I get back. I don't think she'd do that though. We don't have enough crap to make a costly lawyer battle worth the money.

I'm so sore for working out too. My everything hurts. I'm sure that's a good thing though. It's not excruciating pain, and it's not like I can't walk like before. Progress...

Weight Loss

I've updated the weight loss over on the right. I'm down 22lbs now.

Here are my current goals:

At 215, I'm going skydiving with John.
At 200, I'm going to start Muay Thai training again.
At 170, I'm done losing weight. This is my end goal.

Lawyer day...

I spoke with the lawyer today. All is well... I paid the retainer fee, and she's going to draft up a settlement document for me. Rachel and I will both need to sign it, and then after our year separation is over, we can file for divorce. Everything will be in order and just waiting for the clock... I'm glad to get this moving along.

Also, according to Ariel, Rachel found an apartment today. Hooray! I haven't spoken to Rachel yet, but I'm still crossing my fingers that she's moving out VERY soon. We shall see...

That was pretty much it for my day. I've been kind of distracted at work for the past couple of days. I find myself not able to focus on anything. I think this whole mess is starting to get to me.... and I'm feeling kind of worn down. My work PC locked up at about 5:30, so I just turned it off and left. It was close enough to 6.

I went over to the gym and worked out like crazy for.... I dunno... somewhere around 90 minutes to 2 hours. I'm not exactly sure. It felt great though. And since I replaced the battery in my iPOD yesterday ($6 shipped from eBay), it lasted more than 30 minutes this time. In fact, it lasted the entire workout and still appears to have plenty of juice left in it. Hooray again!

-Aleks

Dun, dun, dun....

Unfortunately my trip to Georgia was canceled. However, the lawyer's office called this morning to reschedule the appointment. I made it for tomorrow morning at 9am. The TomTom estimates 54 minutes to get there, so I'd better leave at like 7:30 just to make sure I don't have any troubles finding the place. I wanna get this crap over and done with. Things have settled down here, and she's being somewhat sociable. I think it's probably temporary until Jordan comes back. Then she'll be back to her new self again. Aaaaannnnyyyywaayyy.... who cares? I'm headed to the lawyer tomorrow to get this divorce crap started. Rachel's supposed to be finding a place to live tomorrow. I'm going to Myrtle Beach in like 5 days.

Life is good.

Boredom

It's amazing. I'm bored, but I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm not depressed. I'm none of those crazy emotions that I've been recently. In fact, I'm kind of enjoying being bored. Once Rachel moves out, I'll have a lot to do in the house. Until then, I'm just biding my time.

I went to the gym again today. That's about it though. I'm excited for next week. I'm just so anxious to get away.

What to do, what to do... perhaps I'll watch a movie. Who knows.

-Aleks

Just checking in..

I really had a great day today. Ariel and I opened a Savings account for her this morning. Then I went to the gym for a while where I did better on the cardio than I've ever done before. Then I went to watch the movie Gonzo. It was excellent.

I had a couple of voicemails while I was at the movie. My trip to Georgia this week was cancelled. Then when I got home, I found out that they might just postpone it a day which might get in the way of my lawyer appointment. If they do postpone it a day, I'll probably drive separately so I can drive back on Wednesday night after we're finished instead of staying the night.

After the movie, I drove around downtown Charlotte for a while. That was pretty cool. I'm not sure where all I was. I saw a lot of restaurants and bars and such.

Then I came home. Rachel and I went through the DVDs and split them up. After that, I walked her through transferring her domain to her. It seems like it's still "in process". I'm not sure what the holdup is. I will look more into it tomorrow.

Then.... I went to Hooters to watch the Affliction MMA PPV. It was pretty cool because I had a booth to myself and just sprawled out in it for 4 hours watching Affliction on one TV and UFC on another. The Affliction card was awesome, and there were some excellent fights. It was probably the best MMA card I've seen this year.

Now, I'm home. All in all a great day. I don't have anything planned for tomorrow. I'll probably go to the gym though. I'm enjoying working out.

This is Aleks reporting in...

Exhaustion

I feel exhausted today. It must be the drive that did it to me. I'm not really sure. Perhaps it's the fact that I didn't work out today since I drove to Virginia. Who knows....

I just feel really, really drained today. Like I haven't slept in days... I think I'm going to go to bed.

Capsized rhetoric

Do we need to speak in rhymes to get what we want? Do we need to speak in tongues to figure out how to taste? The fascination with speaking in nonsensical words and phrases only allude to a true meaning that is nonexistent. The passion with which I write makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my entire body shiver. I think that everyone I know is collapsing into a black hole of subsonic depths from which there's no escape.

Does that above paragraph mean anything? Nope. Get over it.

Hi. I love cheese. It's too bad I can't eat it right now because of my diet and exercise routine. A big wad of mozzarella cheese sounds so awesome right now.

How was my day, you ask? Perhaps....

Let's see. I got up. Went to work. Ate lunch. Went back to work. Went to Wal*Mart. Went to the gym. Went to Rite-Aid. Went home. It was glorious. And I'm doing it again tomorrow. Except...! I'm driving to pick up Ariel tomorrow in Wytheville, VA. At least I won't be home, ya know?

Rachel's started packing boxes. There are a bunch in the living room.

And here we go...

Can't sleep...

I can't sleep... I've got a lot on my mind. I've got a lot of stuff coming up in the next couple of weeks. I'm tired too.... this kind of sucks.

I have a lot of crap to get done at work. I have a lot of crap to get done at home.

I worked out today. I pushed myself harder than before. Two miles on the glider machine, one being at level 9 (hardest) and one at level 5 (25 minutes total). Then I moved to the treadmill where I walked at 3.5mph for 10 minutes and jogged for 20 minutes at 4.0mph. My endurance is building. I didn't even get thirsty until halfway through the treadmill. I was mildly amused because I looked down and my water wasn't even opened.

I need to get an iPOD. I really like the iPOD touch, so I'm debating on an iPhone. They're so expensive though.... I dunno... at some point in the future, I guess.

One more day...

So here I sit. Listening to some unknown female singer. Two computers in front of me. One for work, one for play. Sending emails, chatting on Myspace.

So what did you do today? I slept for a while. I went to work. I went to the gym. I came home. I'm in a new routine, I believe. At least this one's slightly healthier.

I'm so tired.

We're going to Myrtle Beach the week of July 27th. I'm looking forward to some time away. Maybe when I get back Rachel will be all moved out. Should I be so lucky? I doubt it.

This is Aleks, reporting in.

What happened to Monday?

I kinda sorta skipped Monday. Not on purpose, but just because I wasn't home. I just got home from work a few minutes ago. It was a long, long day. I'd been there since 9am. Blah.

I don't like these days. I didn't even make it to the gym, and I feel really guilty for it. Oh well, I'll be going tomorrow and all will be sore again.

I'm going to go get some sleep so I can go back to work again tomorrow. Nothing real exciting happened today, unfortunately.

It's SUNDAY!!!

I don't really know what that means.

My legs are still sore... not bad though. I'm able to walk and everything. Matt sent me some smoothy recipes to try to get some more of my meals in.

John, Jennifer, and I went to watch Hellboy 2 last night. I highly enjoyed it. Pretty good flick.

Today.... I played some Guitar Hero 3, mowed the lawn, washed my car, felt like I was going to die because apparently throughout all of this, I forgot to eat. Not good when you're working out in the sun. I came inside, laid on the floor of the computer room for a while until I cooled off and bad feelings subsided.

Other than that, no more excitement than usual.

This is Aleks, reporting in.

Legs

Good lord. Working out legs just tears me up. I felt like I was going to puke again today, but I didn't. I made it through the whole workout. Made it home, and fell asleep on the floor of the computer room.

I feel okay now. I'm sore though.

Nothing much more happened today. I don't really have any plans this weekend either. I guess I'm just going to chill for a while.

today, today, what today

I think I'm just posting now out of habit. I don't really have anything to say.

A friend of mine at work's boyfriend left him (yes, him) while he was at work yesterday. No note, no phone call, just up and left. He was pretty torn up about it today. I think I might go hang out with him this weekend.

I spent about 11 hours at work today. That was exciting. Worked through lunch and everything... I did have a little time to go get a sandwich, but that was it. It was an exhausting, non-stop day. I feel really scatterbrained today.

I did go and work out after work.... I got there at 8:15, and worked out until 9:15ish. I did the glider thing again for 18 minutes today, really pushing myself for the first 5 minutes, and then the last 10 at my regular pace. I then went to the treadmill and used it for 30 minutes. Today, for the first time, I walked for 5 minutes, then jogged for 5 minutes... alternating. I felt like I'd really accomplished something being able to jog like that for 5 minutes straight 3 times in a 30 minute period. The walk was at 3.5mph, and the jog was at 4mph. So I slowed it down just enough so I could walk not jog, but I wasn't really resting... just catching my breath. It's fun to push yourself. I think I sweat more today than ever before. And the workers are the gym are getting to really know me, I guess cuz I come in every day. :-P I was supposed to work out with David today, but I ended up getting caught at work until 8pm, so I called and rescheduled to tomorrow at 5pm (gives me an excuse to leave).

That is it for the day. This is my life. wake, work, work out, sleep. I'm kind of enjoying it.

Time, fading, today...

This is what it's all come down to. You sit and you think... what am I thinking?

I don't know what I'm thinking. No, I'm not depressed. I actually feel quite good. I'm just thinking.

Today I've been trying to reflect back on all of the horrible things I've said and done during the course of my relationship with Rachel. 9 years is a long time (when you're 28, it is!)... and I've definitely said my share of horrible, vicious, and mean things... all for the sake of what? An argument over who's right and who's wrong? Ugh... all of the stupid mistakes I've made over the years.

One thing I can surely say, I feel like I've grown a lot as a person these past 3 weeks.

I really appreciate everyone I know listening to me bitch, moan, and cry with all of my mind and mood changes. I don't think I could possibly say enough how much I appreciate it. I would like to apologize if I inconvenienced anyone in any way, but thank you for being there.

Progress

I can definitely tell a difference at the gym. I pretty much made it through the workout today without too many problems. Of course, I had issues doing some of the exercises, but nothing that seemed to completely destroy me. I stayed for an extra 45 minutes after the workout with David (personal trainer) doing cardio. I feel great.

I think we're going to Myrtle Beach at the end of the month to visit my brother. I've already requested the time off at work, but I haven't seen Rachel to ask her if we can take Ariel.

I struggled to find something for dinner tonight. I wasn't really hungry, but I thought I should eat. At the gym, they say you're supposed to eat small meals every 3 hours to keep your metabolism going. I do well to eat two meals a day. I just ate some tuna. I couldn't find any of the green Tabasco that I like though, so I just put Texas Pete on it. It was decent.

I also bought some tuna steaks, but I haven't looked up how to cook them yet. I'm going to go do that now.

Day in, day out...

I woke up this morning, weighed myself for the first time in a while, and noticed I'd lost 10lbs since I joined the gym. That's not too bad for the first two weeks. It feels good to see some progress. I worked out for an hour and 15 minutes today. I wore my new shoes. They're pretty comfortable. They started to hurt my left heel a little for some reason though.

I feel like I'm getting back to myself, finally. I felt good today. I worked on installing and configuring Linux on a PC at work today. I really enjoy that sort of thing, so I had a good time doing it.

I'm glad Rachel isn't here. I suppose she's working. Jordan's not here either. I'm all by myself. It's nice. I could get used to this. :-P In fact, I'm going to have to.

Day whatever...

I'm home... unfortunately. Still awkward here. I dunno. Although I know it's not going to happen, I guess I still hope to be greeted at the door with a hug and kiss.

The drive was pretty crappy. Wrecks and traffic.... it took me around 6 hours to get home, which is pretty bad.

I don't have anything more to say. I guess I'm going to trail off now...

What Day Is It Again?

So last night I went and saw Hancock. I'd heard not so good things about it, so perhaps my expectations were lowered. I thought it was pretty funny though. It actually made me laugh out loud a couple of times, which is a rarity lately. I went with Tom and Bri (I think that's how you spell her name), and I had a good time. We then went back to their house, and I proceeded to play Smash Brothers Brawl for the Wii. That game is insane.... and fun. I'm going to have to get a Wii.

Then Scott finally called around 11:30. I went and picked up Andy, and went to his house. We sat on his front porch talking for like 4 hours.... just about everything. It was really nice spending time with friends. I think I'd forgotten what it was like. We didn't even do anything, but it was a lot of fun catching up. Scott and Andy were talking about coming down to visit sometime, perhaps August, after Rachel leaves. I'm not sure if that will come to fruition, but they're more than welcome. I'll have that big-ass house, and no one there.

I have a 5 1/2 hour drive back to SC today. I'm probably going to leave here shortly, and get home. I have a guy's PC from work that I need to look at. Fun, fun, fun.

Day 15

The other day I was talking to Rachel about bills and such. She says she's trying to move out by August 1st. For the first time, there might be hope. Maybe light at the end of the tunnel? I should start a countdown on the website. It sucks being miserable at home. I'm hoping without having to see her every day, I'll be able to move forward a little easier.

Anyway, I'm in WV for the weekend. I had a good, uneventful drive up. Ariel came with me. My mom's going to keep her for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure of the plans to get her back to SC though. I may need to get some clarification on that.

I don't really have any plans here. I've talked to Scott. We might go do something tomorrow night. He says it's Brian and Matt's birthday, and that he's trying to get some people together at the River's Edge Cafe. We're doing the cookout thing this evening as long as it doesn't rain anymore.

Just babbling... nothing new or eventful happening. Same shit, different day....

Emotionally, I'm doing alright. I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was. In fact, since I have a date that she's leaving, I actually feel like I have something to look forward to. It's exciting! I know that's going to introduce a whole new set of emotions though since I'll be in that big ass house all alone. I'll have to find something to keep me occupied.

I understand the whole 'rebound' thing now. I understand why people look for a new girlfriend as soon as possible. The emotional roller coaster is insane. I really need to learn how to control it a little better. It just kind of hit me by surprise this time, but next time I'll be ready for it and better equipped to handle it.

Day 13

Up and down, up and down.... like a friggin see-saw.

I don't even know what to say. I went to lunch with my manager today, told her what's going on... apologizing for what probably seems like crazy ass mood swings. She says I haven't been that bad. I dunno, maybe I just feel like I have but I don't show it as much as I think.

I'm really doing okay today as well. Rachel and I had a good talk last night about splitting things... bills, possessions, etc. I think this is going to go fairly smoothly. I don't feel as "good" as I did yesterday, but I feel okay.

I worked out today. My arms are sore, and I did 30 minutes on the damn glider machine as fast as I could sustain which was about 5.7-6.0mph. I'm worn out. I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5mph... which is faster than my previous speed of 3.2mph.

I'm driving to WV tomorrow after work for the holiday weekend. Yay... out of the house!

Day 12

Wow, what a day. I felt good today. I don't know why, or what changed. I just felt good today. It's the first time in a long time.

So I'm watching the UFC 86 Countdown show which is basically a one hour commercial for the UFC 86 PPV... and Forrest Griffin is on there. He's talking about his fight with Keith Jardine, which he lost, and he has one of the best quotes I've heard in a while. It so fits my current situation. "If you're lucky you'll find something in your life that's worth crying about." I take comfort in that... I've shed more tears in the past two weeks than I can ever remember. This has been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. I guess I'm lucky to have felt something so powerful.. such raw emotion that I didn't think I had in me anymore.

Anyway, it was a good day. :-)

We worked my legs today at the gym. I didn't puke this time. I do believe that's progress.